so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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