omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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