he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
