Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
