his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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