I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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