Don't make out with my wife yet
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
