A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize