the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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