i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
