Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
