I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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