apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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