I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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