I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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