I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
