She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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