god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
