I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
