Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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