he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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