just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
