Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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