After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
