um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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