Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize