I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
