@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
