im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
