Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize