In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
