Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
