At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
