is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She said her name was "party"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
