Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize