Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't deserve a penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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