Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
