Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He has the fingertips of a God
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