Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
