We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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