saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize