Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
third nipple confirmed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
