dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
