It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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