Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
