i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't deserve a penis
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
