Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
