Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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