You work out of a Hotel?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
