A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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