Need sex. Gaining weight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
