so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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