Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you inspire me to be a worse person
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
