He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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