I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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