I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i have two assholes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
