I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
