Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
