I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
