i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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