talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
