brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So drunk its hurt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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