honey bunches of taint.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
