The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
