Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
