Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize