In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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