The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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