In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
