can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
