You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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